• Teach children to listen... gently touch a child before you talk... say their name.
• Speak in a quiet voice... whisper sometimes so children have to listen... they like this. A loud and demanding voice makes them go into a defensive mode, in which they won’t listen to you or and may even challenge you back in retaliation.
• Look a child in the eyes so you can tell when they understand... bend or sit down... become the child's size.
• Practice listening and talking during “peace time” about casual things: talk with your family about what you see on TV, hear on the radio or see at the park or store. (Talk with your children about school and their friends). Children usually feel that parents only talk to them when parents want to discipline them or give them instructions.
• Respect children and use a courteous tone of voice. If we talk to our children as we would to our friends, our youngsters may be more likely to seek us out as confidants just as we seek people who respect us to be our confidants. We want “safe people” to talk to. So do our children.
• “Catch” children and teens being good. Praise them for cooperating with you or their siblings, or for doing those little things that are so easy to take for granted. There is a saying, “There should be 10 praises to 1 criticism.”
• Use door openers that invite children to say more about an incident or their feelings. "I see," "Oh," "tell me more," "No kidding," "Really," "Mmmmhmmmmm," "Say that again, I want to be sure I understand you."
• Praise builds a child's confidence and reinforces communication. Unkind words tear children down and teach them that they just aren't good enough.
• Children are never too old to be told they are loved. Saying "I love you" is important. Writing it in a note provides the child with a reminder that he can hold on to.
• Give your undivided attention when your children want to talk to you. Don't read, watch TV, fall asleep or make yourself busy with other tasks.

compiled by Lee Teck Ming and Patrice Lee